


Last to Know

by triste



Category: Bleach
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:16:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one in which the pot calls the kettle black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

Title: Last to Know  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Bleach  
Pairing: Ichigo/Orihime  
Rating: PG  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Ichigo was confused. Ever since his sisters had been small, they'd always respected and admired him. They'd always looked to him for support and protection, and it had never been any other way... until recently.

He still couldn't quite figure out why the change in Yuzu and Karin's behaviour had occurred, but he did know that he was hurt and bewildered by it. Karin had always taken after him in that she was outspoken and somewhat violent, but she'd only seemed to grow worse lately. She'd gotten moody and snappish, and she'd taken to shutting herself in her room for hours on end, doing seemingly nothing at all.

Yuzu was the worst, though. She'd always been a sunny, sweet-tempered girl, but now she didn't want anything at all to do with her older brother. Once upon a time, she used to beg Ichigo to play dollies and take baths with her. They even had their little routine, where they'd go out shopping for groceries together. Yuzu would pick out the items, and Ichigo would carry them home, and everything had been happy and peaceful (or at least as peaceful as life at the Kurosaki Clinic ever got).

Now, though, Yuzu refused to go anywhere with him. Apparently, she was embarrassed by Ichigo's 'bad dress sense'. She also seemed to think that no self-respecting teenager would be seen dead hanging out with her dorky older brother, and as such, she'd been avoiding him like the plague ever since.

She hardly ever cooked dinner anymore. The role of homemaker had fallen onto Ichigo, since Karin had no culinary skills to speak of, and their father was either too busy or too useless to take care of the housework himself.

Another thing that baffled Ichigo was the fact that both Yuzu and Karin seemed to spend most of their waking hours talking on the phone. Their father never seemed to mind, but Ichigo couldn't understand why they would waste so much time running up a phone bill and talking to the same people through the night that they'd already spoken to earlier that day at school.

Whenever he tried to get answers to these questions, though, Karin and Yuzu would give him a dirty look, call him retarded, and then slam the door shut in his face.

It had gotten to a point where Ichigo just couldn't take anymore. He knew better than to expect any kind of help from his father, and so, he'd decided to seek advice from someone in possession of patience and a working brain.

In short, the only way for him to understand the behaviour of a hormonal teenage girl would be to ask the only people who knew them best - other teenage girls.

Unfortunately, for Ichigo he only had a very short list of potential advisors. Rukia was out, for obvious reasons, and he doubted Tatsuki would have been much use to him. Tatsuki possessed more aggressiveness and masculinity than the Karakura High soccer team, after all. Asking her about how women worked would be like asking Keigo or Chad, and in the end, it wouldn't have gotten him anywhere.

He'd panicked for a while when he realised that the rest of the girls in his class were complete strangers to him (he couldn't even remember their names or their faces), but then, it hit him.

The only girl with the solution to his problems was Inoue Orihime.

Sure, she could be almost as strange as Rukia sometimes, but Ichigo figured that Orihime was still his best bet. She was nice, she was caring, and she was polite. She also wouldn't laugh at him, or call him an idiot, and unlike Tatsuki and Rukia, she would never threaten him with physical violence.

Or so he hoped.

It had been easy enough to request a moment alone with her, but Ichigo had found himself bewildered once again by the female of the species. He didn't know what was so funny about asking to speak with Orihime in private, but the girls surrounding her immediately started twittering and giggling, while Orihime's face had turned as red as the bow around her neck.

Ichigo supposed that giggling was just a girl thing. There were many things that he just didn't get about them, like why they seemed to talk in secret code, or why they always had to visit the bathroom in pairs, but he tried to calm down and compose himself as he led Orihime to a small, secluded spot.

He motioned for her to sit down first, and then made himself comfortable once she'd gotten settled, and after that, he stared down at his lap as he twisted his fingers together anxiously.

"Inoue, there's something I want to ask you," he said finally. "It's kind of difficult, though, and I can't really find the right words..."

Orihime began to blush again, inexplicably, and she mimicked Ichigo's fidgeting. "It's okay, Kurosaki-kun," she told him. "If there's something that you need to say, just take a deep breath and then blurt it all right out. It usually works for me."

Ichigo nodded determinedly, and then came right out with it. "Inoue... why do girls get so weird when they start growing up?"

Orihime seemed taken-aback, and Ichigo found himself wondering if he'd been a little too blunt, or if he'd just said something offensive and inappropriate. After a second or two, however, Orihime merely smiled at him and shook her head. "Oh, is that all?"

Ichigo gawked at her unexpected response. "You mean to say that they get *worse*?"

Again, Orihime shook her head. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I just wasn't expecting to hear that kind of question from you, is all."

Ichigo's brow furrowed in confusion. "Then what *did* you expect me to ask?"

Orihime's cheeks turned even pinker, and she waved her hands in a flustered fashion. "Nothing, nothing! I wasn't expecting anything at all!"

Ichigo gave her a funny look, but decided to let the moment pass. "If you say so... but anyway, it's about my sisters. They've been acting kind of strange lately, and I thought you might know why."

Orihime's smile turned gentle. "You really care about your sisters, don't you, Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo stared at her in surprise. "Of course I do. It's natural, isn't it?"

Orihime nodded. "It's perfectly natural, and it's to be expected. You're always so kind, after all."

Ichigo looked away and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "I'm not *that* great."

Orihime merely smiled wider and shook her head in disagreement. "You're a very kind person, Kurosaki-kun. At least I think you are. I'm sure lots of other people would agree with me."

Ichigo looked even more embarrassed. "Yeah, well, I think Yuzu and Karin would have to disagree with you there. They were never a problem before, but now they seem to totally hate me, and I haven't even done anything to upset them. I just need to know how to fix this, so that everything can go back to being the way that it was."

Orihime tapped an index finger against her lower lip thoughtfully. "Hmm... what sort of things do they do to upset you so much?"

"Well, they tend to yell at me a lot these days. And they call me names. And they never want to hang out with me anymore. And they spend hours and hours on the phone for some reason." Ichigo paused. "Oh, and they spend hours and hours locked inside the bathroom. I never even knew what they were doing in there until I caught Yuzu putting on make-up."

"They're growing up, Kurosaki-kun," Orihime told him. "They aren't children anymore, you know."

Ichigo stared at her in shock. "What are you talking about? They'll always be my baby sisters, even when they're in their forties!"

"It's not really that bad," Orihime said with a giggle. "They're just discovering new things about themselves. It's a fun and frightening time in their lives for them."

"Frightening? I'll say." Ichigo sighed and stared down at his hands. "It just feels weird, you know? It's like they're leaving me behind or something."

Orihime's expression turned sympathetic. "Don't think like that, Kurosaki-kun. I'm sure they still need you."

Ichigo merely frowned and picked at the hem of his shirt. "Would it be really selfish if I said that I didn't *want* them to grow up?"

Orihime shook her head. "It's not selfish at all, Kurosaki-kun! It's just that girls are more sensitive at that age than boys for some reason. Even I don't really understand it myself, but I guess I was probably the same with my brother back then. We had the silliest arguments, and I blamed him for things that weren't even his fault. Now that I'm older, I realise how stupid it all was, and someday, I'm sure that your sisters will come to the same conclusion. You just have to give them time and space."

Ichigo's face softened a little. "Your brother was a good guy, Inoue. I'm sure he's happy over at Soul Society."

Orihime beamed at him. "And it's all because of you that he got to rest in peace. Onii-chan and I are both grateful for that, Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo felt his cheeks growing hot, and he quickly looked away. "It was nothing. I was only doing my job."

"And that's why you're always so kind!" Orihime pumped her fist encouragingly. "You're really great, Kurosaki-kun. I'm rooting for you!"

Ichigo didn't say anything for a few moments, but Orihime just waited patiently for him to speak. He didn't know why he felt so embarrassed and unsure of himself. Orihime wasn't even doing anything to make him feel threatened, but the awkwardness refused to go away.

"Inoue... why do girls wear make-up?"

Orihime blinked in surprise. "I guess it's because they want to look pretty for the boy that they like."

Ichigo frowned as he digested that piece of information. "I see. Are you wearing any make-up?"

Orihime blushed, and she stuttered a little when she spoke. "Maybe a little..."

Now it was Ichigo's turn to blink. "Really? So is there a boy that you like?"

Orihime immediately turned so red that it wouldn't have surprised Ichigo if steam suddenly started billowing out of her ears. "No, no, there's no boy... Well, there is, but... but... I can't tell you who! It's top-secret government information! I'll get arrested if I say anything, and then they'll take me to Area 51, and... and..." Her eyes widened, and she started clawing frantically at thin air. "Interrogation techniques! Aliens! Yeti! Samurai zombies! It's too dangerous! Grab the data and run, run, run!!"

Ichigo stared at her in silence. Orihime chose to stop babbling, then bowed low before him.

"Please don't ask me to divulge that information, Kurosaki-kun. It's more than my life is worth."

Ichigo continued to stare. "Uh... sure. I get it. I won't ask."

He caught a brief flash of light when Orihime straightened up, and suddenly, he found himself face to face with the most violent and aggressive member of the Shun-Shun Rikka.

"What are you doing here, Tsubaki?" Orihime asked, but Tsubaki merely waved a hand in response.

"Silence, woman!" he barked. "There's only so much of your snivelling I can take!"

Ichigo frowned at the tiny figure hovering in front of him, trying not to go cross-eyed. "Hey, don't talk to her like that!"

Orihime bowed. "I'm sorry, Tsubaki. If I've done anything to upset you, then I apologise, but-" Her apology was quickly cut off, however, when Tsubaki grabbed hold of her bangs and yanked. "Ow, ow, ow, that hurts! Please stop! I'm sorry if I made you mad! Really I am!"

Tsubaki gave another yank, and then flew back over to a very bemused-looking Ichigo. "You!" he boomed, pointing a finger right between Ichigo's eyes.

Again, Ichigo struggled to keep his vision focused. "Um... me?"

"Yes, you!" Tsubaki said. "Kurosaki Ichigo, you may be the one who gave us life, but it's all your fault that this woman continues to be so pathetic!"

Ichigo blinked. "It is?"

"Don't talk like that, foolish boy! You act as though you haven't got a brain inside your head!"

Again, Ichigo blinked. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Tsubaki balled up his fist and then lashed out at Ichigo with his foot, kicking him squarely in the nose. "That's for months and months of having to put up with this woman's endless droning!"

Orihime reached out and grabbed Tsubaki's wings to pull him back. "Don't hurt Kurosaki-kun! He didn't do anything wrong!"

Tsubaki struggled to break free from her grip. "Stay out of this, woman! It's for your own benefit!"

"No, no, you don't understand!" Orihime said helplessly. "Kurosaki-kun is the reason for your existence! Kurosaki-kun makes me want to grow stronger! If I can't even protect him from you, who *can* I protect him against?!"

Ichigo expected Tsubaki to be even angrier after those words, but if anything, he only grew cheerful. "That's the spirit, woman! If you're going to fight, then make sure you give it your all!"

"I will!" Orihime promised. "Please, just stop picking on Kurosaki-kun!"

Ichigo tried his best to interrupt. "Inoue, I'm okay. A little gnat like that couldn't hurt me anyway."

Tsubaki quickly forgot his good mood and went back to struggling against Orihime's grasp. "Little *gnat*?!" he bellowed. "You'd better watch your mouth, boy, before I staple it shut!"

"Kurosaki-kun didn't mean any harm!" Orihime said desperately, trying to keep the peace. "It really wasn't even an insult, so please go back and let me handle thi-ahh, ahhh, ahhhhh!"

Tsubaki had managed to wriggle free, but in doing so, he'd caused Orihime to lose her balance, and he quickly flew out of the way as Orihime fell forward into Ichigo, her arms windmilling wildly. There was a sickening 'crunch', and then Orihime rubbed her head before looking up.

"Sorry about that, Kurosaki-kun," she said sheepishly. "I have a pretty hard skull. Did I hurt you?"

Her eyes widened and she gasped in shock when she saw Ichigo holding his nose protectively, blood dripping out from between his fingers.

"Inoue," he said, his voice muffled. "I think you may have broken my nose."

Orihime quickly righted herself before flailing in panic. "I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-kun! I didn't mean to... I mean, I couldn't... it just..." Then she stopped abruptly. "What am I doing?! First aid! You need first aid!"

The hairpin on the side of her head glinted, and two small figures emerged with a wave.

"You called, Orihime-san?" Ayame asked shyly.

Orihime nodded frantically. "Kurosaki-kun and I had a little accident. We need your help!"

Shunou grinned impishly. "If it's protection you're wanting, Orihime-san, it's really not the kind that we offer. I think you and your gentleman friend would be better off consulting a pharmacist instead."

Orihime looked absolutely mortified. "Not *that* kind of accident! *Nothing* at all like *that*!"

"I was teasing, Orihime-san," said Shunou with a wink. "It was a joke. Now, what can we help you with?"

Orihime pointed over in Ichigo's direction. "Kurosaki-kun and I crashed, and I kind of hurt his nose. Please heal him!"

Shunou gave her a sharp salute. "Roger that, Orihime-san!"

Ichigo, however, backed away when she flew closer. "Wait, wait, are these ones going to start kicking me, too?"

Shunou blinked, and then glanced over her shoulder at the still-sulking Tsubaki. "Oh dear. Looks like he went wild again..."

Orihime patted Ichigo on the shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay, Kurosaki-kun. Tsubaki is the one with the attacking power. Shunou and Ayame just heal."

Ichigo looked wary, but allowed the two fairies to do their job, and then with a final wave, they disappeared, dragging Tsubaki along with them. Ichigo lifted a hand to his face in wonder. "Wow, they really fixed it. I guess those guys are useful after all."

Orihime nodded proudly. "They've helped me out lots of times, and I'm thankful for them. And I'm thankful to you, of course. You're the reason they exist, Kurosaki-kun!" Then she pursed her lips and looked puzzled. "You're the reason they came into being... so does that make you their god? Or does it make you their mother?"

Ichigo couldn't even find the words to reply. "Um..."

Orihime cocked her head to one side. "If you *are* their mother, then it's like childbirth without the pain!" She laughed and clapped her hands together gleefully. "If the fairies that you bear are this cute, I'm sure your real children will be even more adorable!" Then she sobered. "But wait... how would you get pregnant?"

Again, Ichigo tried to find the words and failed. "Uh..."

Orihime shook her head, then gave Ichigo her full attention. "Anyway, that's not important. What were we talking about again?"

Ichigo somehow managed to make his mouth form coherent speech once more. "It's okay, Inoue. I feel better now... I think..."

Orihime smiled happily. "Oh... I'm glad that I could help you, then!"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, it was a pretty insightful little talk." Then he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I guess I owe you one, so how about we go out for something to eat this weekend? It'll be my treat."

Orihime squeaked in shock. "Go out? You mean on a *date*?"

Ichigo looked confused, but then realisation dawned over his features. "Oh, wait, you said you there was some guy that you liked, didn't you? If that's the case, I'll just call in at the baker shop around the corner before class tomorrow and buy you something nice. You like sweet things, right?"

Orihime shook her head wordlessly. Ichigo went back to looking confused.

"You *don't* like sweet things? Okay then, how about I get you-"

Orihime shook her head again and cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "That's not it, Kurosaki-kun! I... I..." She bowed so low that her forehead almost touched the ground. "I meant to say that I'd be very honoured to accompany you on a date this weekend! Please don't be angry with me or take offence in any way!"

Ichigo stared at her in confusion. "I'm not angry. I'm not even offended."

"Then it's all good, right?" Orihime stood up so quickly that she actually staggered a little, and Ichigo reached out to catch her before she could fall. "Ahaha... head rush..." Orihime giggled nervously, then disentangled herself from Ichigo. "Um... I'll call you so that we can arrange a day and a time to meet, okay?"

"Wait, you don't even have my phone number!" Ichigo told her as she backed away.

"I'll get it from Tatsuki-chan!" Orihime blushed brightly and smoothed down her skirt before blurting out, "I'll be sure to wear some make-up as well!!"

Then she ran off as fast as her legs would carry her.

Ichigo's watched as she disappeared round the corner, completely baffled over what she'd just said to him. It wasn't until he remembered her response to one of his earlier questions that he finally realised what she'd meant.

"The guy that she likes... is *me*...?"

 

End.


	2. Two

Title: Planning and Preparation  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Bleach  
Pairing: Ichigo/Orihime  
Rating: PG  
Status: Sequel to Last to Know  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

It was over dinner that evening when Ichigo made his announcement.

"I'm going out on a date tomorrow with a girl from my class."

The reactions from his family weren't quite what he'd been expecting. Isshin choked loudly on a mouthful of rice, while Yuzu and Karin exchanged a secretive look. Karin eventually sighed and dug into her back pocket. Ichigo just stared in confusion as she passed a fistful of coins over to Yuzu.

"What are you handing out money for?"

Karin eyed him lazily. "Oh, it's nothing important. Yuzu and I had a bet, and I just lost it. Don't be too concerned."

Ichigo's left eyebrow twitched irritably. "What kind of bet?"

Karin smirked and shrugged one shoulder in response. "For the past three years, I've been saying that you were gay. Yuzu didn't agree, and so we decided to put money on whose opinion was right. Like I said, I lost."

It took all of Ichigo's efforts not to upend the table in his anger, and instead, he slowly counted from one to ten inside his head before he spoke up. "Sounds interesting. May I ask where you got *that* little idea from?"

Karin's smirk grew wider. "Well, what was I supposed to think? My older brother is in his last year of high school, has never brought anyone home for us to meet, doesn't even own porn, and until now, hasn't shown any interest in the opposite sex. That all spells out G-A-Y to me."

Yuzu shook her head. "That's not it, Karin-chan. Onii-chan is just a late developer. His body went through puberty early, but it took a while for his brain to catch up with it. He's not homosexual, just stupid."

Ichigo glared menacingly at them. "I am your brother, and I'm also the head of this household! It's about time that you showed me some respect!"

Karin rolled her eyes in disgust. "Oyaji is the head of the household, not you. He's the one who actually goes out and earns the money for our upkeep."

"That may be true, but *I'm* the one who does all the cooking and the cleaning!" Ichigo insisted. "That stupid old man doesn't even know how to turn a rice cooker on, and the last time he tried to use the microwave, it exploded!"

Yuzu patted him on the head condescendingly. "Thanks for all of your hard work, Onii-chan. You really do a great job when it comes to taking care of us."

"I wouldn't have to do all of this hard work if you helped out once in a while!" Ichigo said exasperatedly. "That used to be *your* role. Remember?"

"I'm a growing girl, Onii-chan," Yuzu said dismissively. "I don't have time for things like chores."

"You'd have plenty of time if only you didn't spend hours on the phone to your friends or in the bathroom slapping war paint onto your face!"

Yuzu's lower lip quivered dangerously. "I... I can't believe you! I'm your sister, and all you can say is that I'm so ugly that I can't even leave the house without trowelling make-up on first?!"

Ichigo reached out for her desperately. "Wait, wait, I never said that! Really, I-"

Yuzu smacked his hand away and stood up so quickly that she knocked her chair over in her haste. "I hate you, Onii-chan! I'll never talk to you again for as long as I live!"

She left the table with a sob, and Karin narrowed her eyes.

"Asshole. You made her cry."

Ichigo shook his head, on the verge of tears himself. "I didn't mean it! Honest to God!"

Karin merely snorted as she slipped out her seat. "Whatever. *I'll* take care of your mess. *You* can go wash my soccer uniform. I need it for the game on Sunday."

Ichigo brightened. "Hey, you want me to come along? I could cheer for you, if you'd like."

Karin looked mortified. "Are you kidding? It'll be embarrassing for me if you show up! You'll ruin the whole game!"

Ichigo was crushed. "I only wanted to give you some support. Is that really such a bad thing?"

"If I wanted support, Ichi-nii, I'd buy a new bra. Just don't show up, okay? If you do, I'll never forgive you. *Ever*."

And with that, Karin made her exit, leaving Ichigo to sigh dejectedly over the half-eaten food that she and Yuzu had left behind. He didn't have too long to be depressed, however, because Isshin sidled over to him and slapped him on the back.

"Cheer up!" he said heartily. "You have your first date to look forward to!"

"Sure," Ichigo said flatly. "Great."

Isshin clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Now, now, that's no kind of attitude to show to your new lady friend. You need to be more like Tou-san, and show enthusiasm for everything! You need to wow her with your energy and sweep her right off her feet!"

Ichigo gave him a withering look. "I'm not you, moron. I don't even want to *act* like you. I'd bring shame upon the whole family if I ever did that."

Isshin nodded solemnly. "Tou-san understands, Ichigo. Tou-san remembers all too well how difficult life is when you're a confused, emotional teenaged boy. Tou-san also remembers how easy it was to get it up again and again at that age!"

Ichigo made a face. "And what does *that* have to do with anything?!"

Isshin slapped him on the back again, harder this time. "Son, you're at the prime of your life. You're at the peak of your sexual ability. You have to take advantage of those raging hormones while you still can!"

Ichigo thumped him in the face. "Don't talk about this stuff over dinner, you freak! It's uncivilised!"

Isshin merely grinned in encouragement. "Just don't forget to use protection, okay? Raging hormones are all good and well, but Tou-san wants his precious little boy to be safe from all those nasty STD's. And of course, it's far too early for little Ichigos to be running around the place! Tou-san wants you to finish your education first before you settle down and start a family of your own!"

Ichigo glared at him in confusion. "What the Hell are you talking about, dumb ass? I only said I was going out on a date!"

Isshin wagged his index finger admonishingly. "Just remember, Ichigo. Children on the back seat cause accidents, but accidents on the back seat cause children."

"Back seat of *what*? You're not even making any sense!"

"The back seat of the *car*, of course!" Isshin paused in alarm. "But wait... you don't drive, do you? And there isn't enough time for Tou-san to teach you everything he knows before tomorrow comes." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then smacked his hands together. "I know! You can bring your girlfriend back here! I'll park the car out on the front, then you can sit in the driver's seat. Tou-san will stand by the window and point a hairdryer in your face to simulate a proper driving experience. It'll be just like feeling the wind blowing through your hair!"

Ichigo thumped him once again. "Okay, now you're talking crap. Anyway, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a classmate!"

"So you're not having sex?"

"Of course I'm not! And stop taking so much interest in my private life, you pervert! It's unnatural!"

Isshin looked mournful for a moment, but quickly cheered up. "Well, if you don't want to talk to me, you can always confide in Kaa-san."

Ichigo waved a hand dismissively. "It isn't time to visit her grave yet. Don't go showing me that stupid poster either."

Isshin smiled smugly. "I didn't mean for you to go the grave, *or* the poster. Just you wait right here, boy. You'll soon see how you can have a proper conversation with Kaa-san!"

Ichigo frowned, but shrugged his shoulders when his father left the room and busied himself with clearing up the table. He was soon distracted from his task when Isshin returned, however, and Ichigo twitched when he saw what he'd brought.

"A cut-out," he said dully. "You made Kaa-san into a cardboard cut-out."

Isshin nodded proudly. "Now you can talk to Kaa-san whenever you like! You can hug her and kiss her and fondle her, and-"

Ichigo threw a dishtowel at Isshin's head. "Stop saying stuff like that, you filthy bastard! You're defiling her memory! Just burn that stupid thing before you do anything dangerous with it!"

Isshin wibbled pathetically. "You're telling me to set fire to Kaa-san? I can't believe you'd be so cold! She might be made of cardboard, but I still get to sleep by her side every single night! The poster just wasn't enough after a while, so I got Kaa-san made into a life-sized cutout. I thought about making her into a blow-up doll, but-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off when Ichigo smashed a plate over his head, and Isshin crumpled into an unconscious heap on the floor.

"Stay like that for a while," Ichigo told him with a glare. "And if you have any sense in your tiny brain, you'll learn to keep your mouth shut from now on."

 

~~

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Orihime was being faced with one of life's greatest mysteries.

"I just don't get it, Tatsuki-chan! I have a whole closet full of clothes, but I still can't find anything to wear!"

Tatsuki peered up from the magazine that she'd been flicking through with a frown. "Just wear whatever feels comfortable. Besides, it's only Ichigo. It's not like he's going to notice if you make an effort."

Orihime held a flower-printed blouse up to her front thoughtfully. "He might. And anyway, it'd be rude if I don't put on something really nice."

"Why do you say that? He'll just turn up in jeans and a tee shirt. You'll look overdressed if you make too much effort."

"But... but..." Orihime tossed the blouse onto the bed with a sigh and went back to rummaging through her closet. "I just want something *good*, you know? It's my first date, after all! I really want Kurosaki-kun to be impressed!"

Tatsuki pursed her lips with a frown. "Did he say where he'd be taking you?"

Orihime shook her head. "We're meeting up at midday, but we never decided on what we'd be doing. I guess we could go to the park or something..."

Tatsuki smacked the magazine down onto the mattress in offence. "Are you *kidding*? You're going to force him to take you out someplace really nice! You're going to force him to spend lots of money on you!"

Orihime tugged at the hem of her skirt self-consciously. "That would be rude. I wouldn't want Kurosaki-kun to think badly of me."

Tatsuki blew her bangs out of her face with an exasperated huff and placed her hands on her hips. "Orihime, if you want something, you have to reach out and grab it! There's no point beating about the bush, especially with someone like Ichigo! You have to be more assertive and demanding!"

Orihime blinked. "Assertive?"

Tatsuki nodded. "Sure! Remember, it's the *woman* who's in charge of the relationship. The man's role is to obey her and do whatever she says. A woman needs to have total control over her man, but most importantly, she needs to have control of his wallet."

Orihime chewed nervously on her lower lip. "Well, I still think it sounds rude. What if Kurosaki-kun doesn't *like* bossy women?"

Tatsuki snorted. "Oh, who *cares* what he thinks? It's your role to dictate things for him! If you say 'jump', he's supposed to ask you 'how high?'. When you say 'give me money', he's supposed to say 'how much?'. Get it?"

Orihime shook her head. Tatsuki sighed.

"Listen, it's like... it's like that Darling guy said. You know, survival of the fittest?"

Orihime cocked her head to one side. "Wasn't that Darwin?"

Tatsuki shrugged her shoulders. "Same difference. Anyway, you've got to be the boss!"

"Oh, like in a videogame?" Orihime clapped her hands gleefully. "So Kurosaki-kun has to show up with a gun and defeat me in order to move to the next level! I get it now!"

"No, no, it's not like that. His sisters are making this easier for you, though. They've got him doing all the cooking and the housework now. He's already well-trained, so you won't have too much trouble when it comes to making him do everything!"

"But... I thought women were supposed to be the homemakers?"

"Only people in the dark ages think like that, Orihime. You have to start living in the now! You're the one who's holding all the cards, remember?"

"Like in poker, you mean?"

"Exactly! You have to get Ichigo right where you want him, and then BAM!" Tatsuki smacked her fist against the pillow, and Orihime jumped.

"So... where do cards come in?" she asked hesitantly. "And are we playing for cash? I always thought gambling was bad..."

Tatsuki sighed. "Forget it. Just don't think too much or you'll blow it. Do what I tell you, okay?"

"Um... okay..." Orihime sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed her arms over her chest expectantly. "So... what should I take along with me? Apart from money, I mean."

"No, no, don't take that!" Tatsuki said quickly. "Well, okay, you can take some, but pretend you left your purse at home or something. Ichigo is stupid, but he's also old-fashioned, so he'll offer to pay."

Orihime nodded. "All right. What else?"

Tatsuki narrowed her eyes in thought. "Let's see... Oh yeah, pepper spray! You need to take some of that!"

Orihime frowned. "What would I need it for?"

Tatsuki gave her a disbelieving look. "To temporarily blind him, of course!"

Orihime was upset. "Kurosaki-kun would never hurt me! He's a gentleman!"

Tatsuki merely snorted. "I know he's immature, but he's still a guy, Orihime. Besides, there's no such thing as being too cautious. You have to think of all the frustration that he must be going through right now. That stuff builds and builds and builds, and then it goes boom!"

"It explodes?"

"Yeah, it does! See, that's why you can never be too careful when you're with a guy. You never know when they might start humping your leg, or worse!"

"Humping... my leg...?"

"Exactly! Unless you *want* him to molest you, of course. Then you'd need to try a whole new tack." Tatsuki vaulted off the bed and rummaged around in Orihime's closet before pulling out a blouse that she liked. "If that's the case, you ought to wear something like this. And make sure that the top three buttons are undone so that you can flash plenty of cleavage."

Orihime stared down at her front. "Cleavage?"

"Yup! But don't have sex on the first date, okay? Stuff like that only makes you look easy."

Orihime blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You shouldn't say those things, Tatsuki-chan! Kurosaki-kun and I aren't even that close!"

Tatsuki nodded. "No, no, you're right. It's good to aim high, but you ought to take things slow. At first, anyway. A kiss on the cheek would be kind of wussy, but still okay. A kiss on the lips would be better, but don't let it go too far, okay?"

Orihime's blush deepened even further. "K-k-k-kiss? Kurosaki-kun... and... me?"

Tatsuki gave her a funny look. "Well, sure. Who else would he be kissing? The waitress?"

Orihime shook her head in disagreement. "You don't understand, Tatsuki-chan. I... we... I mean, Kurosaki-kun and me... *kissing*?!" She flopped down onto the mattress and buried her face into the pillow with a squeal.

Tatsuki flopped down next to her and yanked the pillow away. "What are you getting so worked up for? It's only a kiss!"

Orihime raised a hand to her mouth. "But... but... it'd be me... and Kurosaki-kun... *kissing*!"

Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "So? It's just Ichigo. He's probably a lousy kisser. How can he be anything else when he hasn't even had practise? That's another good thing, though, because it means you're going to be his first. His first date, his first kiss, his first wife..." Orihime squealed again, and Tatsuki sighed. "Oh, come on. You must have thought about that at least *once*, right?"

Orihime nodded shyly. "I had this dream one time where Kurosaki-kun and I got married, but then we got abducted in the chapel by aliens. They took us into outer space to do experiments on us, but Kurosaki-kun was really brave and fought them all for me. We had to build a spaceship from a can of baked beans so that we could return to Earth, but our calculations were incorrect, and we landed on Saturn instead. Then I gave birth to a hamburger, and Kurosaki-kun got a job as a bank clerk."

Tatsuki stared. "On Saturn?"

Orihime nodded once again. "Yup! And oh, did you know that Kurosaki-kun is the mother of my fairies?"

Tatsuki patted her shoulder with a grin. "Well, your daydreams are a lot more exciting than mine, kiddo."

Orihime nudged her hand away and pouted. "Jeez, Tatsuki-chan, I'm not a child anymore!"

"I can't help it," Tatsuki-chan told her solemnly. "My little girl is growing up!" Then she shook her fist determinedly. "You're right, though. You're *not* a child anymore. That's why you need to go out there and lose your virginity to Ichigo! And it'll really piss off that bitch Chizuru!"

"Tatsuki-chan, it's just a *date*!" Orihime insisted. "We're not going to do anything... adult!"

"Okay, okay, don't get upset," Tatsuki said quickly. "And remember, Orihime, if he ever does anything to hurt you, just tell me. Got that? If he makes you cry, I'll rip off his balls and shove them down his throat!"

Orihime gazed at her adoringly. "Tatsuki-chan... you're always so good to me."

Tatsuki grinned widely. "Don't sweat it. I'm giving Ichigo more freedom because he's my friend, but if he does anything to upset you, let me know. Remember our rule?"

Orihime nodded happily. "Anyone who hurts me gets their backsides kicked by you!"

Tatsuki laughed and ruffled Orihime's hair. "You're a big girl now. You can say 'ass' if you really want to."

"I don't think you have too much to worry about, though," Orihime said with a smile. "Kurosaki-kun is a very kind person, after all. I'm sure he's very gentle as well."

"Well, he'd better be," Tatsuki said warningly. "Just be sure to enjoy yourself, okay? That's the most important thing. So, where are you meeting him?"

"Meeting him?"

"Yeah, you said you were going to see him at midday. Didn't you arrange a place to meet up?"

Orihime's eyes widened in shock. "Oh no, I forgot to ask! What am I going to do now?!"

Tatsuki patted her on the shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry about it. I'll call him while you decide on an outfit to wear. Pick out something that'll knock him dead!"

Orihime looked mournful. "You want me to kill my first date?"

Tatsuki hung her head. "It's a figure of speech, Orihime. You don't really have to clobber him over the head with your heaviest sandals until he passes out."


	3. Three

Title: The Strangest Girl  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Bleach  
Pairing: Ichigo/Orihime  
Rating: PG  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Almost half an hour had passed since Ichigo had arrived at the place where he'd arranged to meet Orihime, and he was just starting to think that he'd been stood up when Orihime finally made her appearance, red-faced and clearly out of breath.

"I'm sorry for making you wait, Kurosaki-kun!" she gasped. "I overslept this morning, and then I took longer than I thought I would getting ready, and then I kept forgetting things when I left the house. First I forgot to lock the door, then I realised that I'd forgotten to put any shoes on before I got halfway down the street, and then-"

"Don't worry about it," Ichigo said, cutting her off before she could finish giving him the full-length list. "You're here, so that's all that matters."

Orihime hung her head sheepishly. "Are you mad at me? You can yell if you'd like. I won't mind."

"Why would I yell? You didn't do anything to make me angry, so-" Ichigo paused suddenly and stared. "Did you know that your feet are bleeding?"

"Huh? They are?" Orihime looked down in surprise. "Oh, you're right. Silly me. That must be from when I stepped on those pieces of broken glass on my way down the street."

Ichigo gawked in horror. "You stepped on glass and you didn't even notice until I pointed it out just now? Aren't you in pain?"

Orihime giggled. "Well, kind of. My elbow hurts more, though. I caught my arm in the door while I was locking it and got a little scrape, and then I bumped the back of my head when I fell down the stairs."

"You fell down the *stairs*? Your apartment's on the top floor, isn't it?"

"Yup! It's a long way down!"

Ichigo shook his head exasperatedly. "Sheesh, you don't have to look so happy about getting beaten up like that. It's really not as fun as you make it out to be. Here, sit down for a minute and I'll take a look at you." He gestured for Orihime to take a seat on the bench that he'd been sitting on, then knelt down before her and slipped off her sandals. "Are you sure this doesn't hurt? You're bleeding pretty badly."

"Nope!" Orihime said cheerfully. "I'm perfectly fine!"

Ichigo looked up at her sceptically, and then went back to examining her feet. "Well, the cuts aren't too deep, and I don't see any glass, so there's no real harm done. If you don't mind waiting here for a while, I can run off to the pharmacy to buy band-aids and ointment."

"No, its okay! Really!" Orihime insisted. "I've troubled you too much already, and I wouldn't want to be a burden or anything..."

"Don't be an idiot," Ichigo told her. "You can't walk around town like that. Just wait here and I'll be back in a minute, all right? Just... try not to fall off the bench or anything while I'm gone. You've given yourself enough injuries for one day."

He returned to find Orihime waiting for him patiently ten minutes later, but she continued to look guilty as he worked on patching up her feet.

"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice. "We've only just started our date and already I've ruined it. Are you sure you don't want to yell at me?"

Ichigo shrugged his shoulders. "Even if I wanted to, it wouldn't do any good. Yelling isn't going to fix these cuts. Besides, I told you before that I'm not angry. You haven't ruined anything, so stop looking at me like somebody just died."

Orihime nodded meekly. "Sorry about that, Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo sighed. "Enough with the apologies already. You haven't even done anything wrong, so why should you be sorry? And you don't have to address me like that anymore. You can just call me by name like everyone else. I won't mind."

Orihime smiled tentatively. "Okay then... Ichigo...kun?"

"It's good enough, I guess." Ichigo applied the final band-aid, and then leaned back to inspect his work. "That should do it. Your shoes are a mess, though. Do you want me to take you home so that you can change them?"

"No, no, I've wasted too much time already," Orihime said determinedly. "I'll just buy a new pair instead!"

Ichigo frowned. "You can't go walking around in your bare feet, though. You'll get hurt again." He turned around so that his back was to Orihime and glanced over his shoulder at her. "Climb on. I'll carry you there."

Orihime blushed brightly. "I... I couldn't! It would be too rude! I'd be too heavy! I'd make you look silly!"

"Since when have I ever cared about what people think of me? Besides, if I can carry Chad around, I can carry you. Hop on."

Orihime scooped up her ruined sandals and did as Ichigo said, climbing onto his back and letting him hook his arms under her thighs before rising to his feet. "You've carried Sado-kun like this before?"

"I did one time," Ichigo told her. "Chad got pretty beat-up, and he had trouble walking, so I had to carry him back to his apartment so that I could fix him up. He was a lot heavier than you, though."

Orihime smiled brightly. "You're always so kind, Ichigo-kun, and you're very talented at taking care of people. You should be a doctor when you grow up! Or maybe you could be a nurse instead. Then you'd be able to wear one of those cute little pink uniforms!"

"Nah, I could never be a doctor. My grades aren't good enough. I know basic first-aid, though, and it's enough to get me by. What about you, though? What do you want to do when you finish school?"

"Oh, I have my career plans all figured out. When I grow up, I'm going to be a Gundam!"

Ichigo stopped dead in his tracks. "You're going to be a *what*?!"

"A Gundam! You know, a giant mecha? We had an assignment in art class a couple of years ago called 'The Future Me', and I drew this really great picture of myself with flames coming out of my mouth and destruction beams shining from my eyes!"

"You're not serious, are you?"

"Well, I *could* go into fashion design, I suppose, but it wouldn't be nearly as exciting. It's kind of boring when there aren't any death rays involved."

"Inoue, you're dangerous enough as you are right now. Cuts and scrapes I can handle, but burns and death beams are way out of my league."

~~

Later that afternoon, Orihime was still blushing and stuttering over the new shoes that Ichigo had bought her, and she couldn't stop babbling out apologies.

"I'm sorry for everything, Ichigo-kun! I'm sorry for making you wait, and I'm sorry for making you take care of me, and I'm sorry for making you carry me around, and I'm sorry for making you spend your money on a pair of shoes for me, and-"

Again, Ichigo interrupted her before she could go too far. "I thought I told you to stop saying stuff like that? Anyway, you didn't *make* me do those things. I did them because I wanted to, and because I would have looked like a jerk if I hadn't. If it really bothers you that much, just say 'thank you', and then move on. I'm not mad, you're not offending me, and you're not a burden, so stop worrying already!"

Orihime bowed deeply. "Thank you very much, Ichigo-kun. I'm very grateful for everything that you've done today."

Now it was Ichigo's turn to blush. "Don't do that either. It's embarrassing! Just straighten up and say 'thank you' like a normal person!"

Orihime giggled behind the back of her hand, but did as she was told. "Thanks, Ichigo-kun!"

Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief. "See? That's better. You don't have to bother with any of that formality crap around me. Just be yourself."

Orihime cocked her head to one side. "Be myself?"

"Sure. You need to say what you think and do what you want. You'll never be able to live a decent life if you keep suppressing everything."

"Wow... you're very inspirational, Ichigo-kun! And you're so smart!"

Ichigo smirked ruefully. "I said to be yourself, Inoue, not make fun."

Orihime shook her head quickly. "No, no, I wasn't teasing! I really meant what I told you! You've always been an inspiration for me, and you're the one who helps to keep me strong! I owe so much to you, Ichigo-kun, and I... you..." Orihime burst out laughing and Ichigo gave her a strange look. "I'm sorry. It's just... it's just... your face is so funny!"

Ichigo touched his cheek self-consciously. "Are you saying that I look weird?"

"No, no, I didn't mean it that way! I just..." Orihime calmed down a little and managed to speak in a more normal tone. "I like your face. Like, *really* like it. Really *really* like it. And I like the rest of you, too! I like all of you, Ichigo-kun!"

Ichigo could only stare in shock. "Um..."

Orihime giggled again and poked his arm. "Just straighten up and say 'thank you' like a normal person."

Ichigo's face reddened, and he quickly looked away. "Thanks... I think..." He shoved his hands in his pockets resolutely and cleared his throat. "So... where do you want to go? We could visit the arcade if you'd like."

Orihime plucked at the sleeve of her blouse awkwardly. "I don't really enjoy being around those places. They're too noisy and crowded."

"I don't care for them much, either. Um... should we go to a restaurant or something?"

"I'm not hungry. I ate before I came out."

"Me too. I guess we could go to the park?"

"I'd love that! Let's go there!" Orihime clapped her hands gleefully, then stared in confusion when Ichigo held his arm out to her.

"It's what they do in the movies," he said gruffly, making sure to avoid her gaze. "And it'll keep you from tripping up and falling again." Orihime bit down very hard on her lower lip as her face turned redder and redder, and Ichigo quickly moved away. "If you don't want to, it's fine..."

Orihime spoke so loudly that she caused Ichigo to start, and she shook her head vigorously. "No, no, I do! I want to!"

Ichigo continued to look startled, but he held out his arm again and Orihime hooked her through it. They walked that way in silence for a while, but it was broken eventually by the sound of Orihime's 'ow!' noises.

"Um... Inoue? What are you doing?"

"I'm just pinching myself, Ichigo-kun." Orihime made another pained hiss, and Ichigo stared down at her strangely.

"Dare I ask *why* you're pinching yourself?"

"Oh, I'm just making sure that this isn't a dream."

"It feels pretty real to me, and if you keep doing that, you're going to give yourself a whole new set of bruises."

Orihime gave herself one last pinch, then nodded in satisfaction. "Yup, you're right. It *is* real."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at her. "Why would you be dreaming about something like this, anyway?"

Orihime's eyes widened in alarm and she quickly began to stutter. "N-no reason! I, uh... I mean we... and sometimes, I... and then... LOOK! AN ICE-CREAM CART!!"

Ichigo winced, then looked over to where she was pointing. "Do you want something from it?"

"If that's okay with you."

"Sure, I guess. I never say no to sweet things. So, what would you like?"

Orihime forgot about her earlier embarrassment for a moment and furrowed her brow in thought. "Hmm... Oh! May I have mint chocolate chip? With bean jam jelly?"

"I don't think they sell that kind of stuff, Inoue."

"Well, in that case, I suppose mint and chocolate chip on its own would be fine." Orihime reached for her bag and pulled out her purse. "I'll have the money ready in just a second..."

"Don't worry about it. I'll pay."

"But you've already bought me a brand-new pair of shoes! I can't let you spend anything more on me!"

"Inoue, it's just *ice-cream*. It'll hardly break my bank balance. Wait here until I get back, okay?"

Orihime began to protest, but Ichigo had already walked off before she could even say anything. Seconds after he'd gotten in line to wait, a voice called out to him.

"Hey, look! It's Karin's brother!"

Ichigo turned round to see the four boys who Karin often hung out with after her soccer matches and frowned. "Oh, it's you. Uh..."

"Donny! I'm Donny! You've known me how long now, and you still can't remember my name?!"

"Of course he doesn't remember it, idiot! It's not even your real name!"

"I'd remember a guy if he called himself 'Donny' and looked like Ronald McDonald..."

Ichigo merely stared. "Um... and you are...?"

The shortest one of the group sighed and then began pointing to each of the other boys in turn. "The one with the glasses is Usaka. The one with the weird-looking hair is Ryouhei. The one who looks like Ronald McDonald is Donny, and I'm Pinta. We've all told you this about a hundred times already, though."

Ichigo shrugged carelessly. "What can I say? I'm bad with names and faces. So what do you want? If it's money that you're after, I won't lend you any."

Usaka stuck out his tongue. "That's good, because we don't *want* any of your stupid money! We're just here to play ball!"

"Is Karin around, then?"

"Nah, she didn't want to come. Said she had something better to do, but she wouldn't tell us what. She's gotten really bitchy lately..."

"That's my little sister you're talking about, so watch your mouth."

Usaka stuck out his tongue again and turned to Ryouhei. "Should we go now? Ryouhei? Hey! You'd better listen when I'm talking to you, dumb ass!"

Instead of taking offence, Ryouhei merely pointed in Orihime's direction. "Who's that girl?"

Ichigo followed his line of sight, and then waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, she's with me."

"She's with you?! Did you have to pay her or something?"

"And what is *that* supposed to mean?"

"Wow..." Donny was staring at Orihime in awe. "They're so big..."

"Huh? What's big?"

Pinta nudged Ichigo with his elbow and smirked evilly. "Don't pretend to be innocent. You like 'em that way, right?"

Ichigo went from confused to irritated, and he cuffed the back of Pinta's head. "Stop being weird already and scram. I have better things to do than entertain a pack of unruly little brats."

"Suuuure you do." Pinta snickered and beckoned to his friends. "Come on, guys. Karin's brother wants to be *alone* with his lady friend."

Ichigo scowled as the four of them ran away laughing, but quickly shook it off. "Crazy kids..."

He returned to Orihime a few minutes later, but she seemed to have company in the form of an admirer. Ichigo had never seen the guy before in his life, and for a second he thought that maybe Orihime knew him somehow, but a closer look at her body language soon told him that it wasn't the case. Her smile was polite but strained, and she was leaning away so that she could put a little distance between the two of them.

Ichigo sighed irritably and stepped up behind Orihime's admirer so that he could tap him on the shoulder with his free hand. "Beat it, asshole. Can't you see she's not interested?"

Orihime's earlier smile had been somewhat forced, but it widened in genuine relief when she heard the sound of Ichigo's voice. The guy who'd been standing next to her didn't seem so happy, though, and he turned to face Ichigo with a challenging expression.

"I think you need to mind your own business, pal," he said coolly. "The little lady and I were only talking."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, and now your discussion is over, so beat it before I start getting angry." He was distracted when Orihime tugged at his sleeve, however, and he looked down at her in confusion. "What is it, Inoue?"

"Is this person bothering you, Ichigo-kun?" she asked.

"Hell yeah, he's bothering me! Just give me a minute and I'll-"

Orihime turned away before he could even finish his sentence, striking out with her left leg and kicking the guy in the face before following it up with a punch to the gut with her right fist. She smiled brightly when he collapsed in a coughing heap and gave Ichigo the thumbs-up sign. "There. He won't annoy you after that." Her smile broadened even more when she saw what Ichigo was carrying, and she clasped her hands together with enthusiasm. "Ooh, you got the ice-cream! Let's hurry up and eat before it melts!"

"Inoue... you... you..." Ichigo couldn't even find the words to describe what she'd just done, and Orihime blinked at him innocently.

"Is something wrong, Ichigo-kun? Should I not have done that? Did it upset you?"

"No, I... I mean..." Ichigo cleared his throat awkwardly. "You were kind of cool, Inoue."

"Really? I'm so happy! It's not often that I get a compliment like that!"

"I never knew you could fight, though. Where'd you learn to *do* those things?"

"Oh, Tatsuki-chan started teaching me a long time ago. Thanks to her, I know lots of martial arts moves. Come on! Let's find a place where we can sit!"

Ichigo followed wordlessly as she led him to a nearby tree, waiting for her to get settled comfortable at the foot of it before sitting himself down beside her and handing over one of the cones. Orihime took it gratefully and began to devour it with relish, but Ichigo just watched her. Orihime noticed his scrutiny, and she blushed a little, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a tissue before dabbing it over her cheeks.

"Sorry about that. I eat like a pig sometimes, and I always get crumbs and things all over my face. Did you know that I can eat three boxed lunches in one sitting?"

Ichigo seemed taken-aback by that random piece of information, but he shook his head in answer to her question. "No, I didn't. But then I was thinking just now that I don't really know an awful lot about you."

"Oh, I know tons of things about *you*, Ichigo-kun," Orihime told him. "You may not think so, but I'm really good at noticing what happens around me! I like to pay attention to what you're doing, and I enjoy listening to Tatsuki-chan when she tells me all about what you were like when you were little!"

"But... why do you want to know those things?" asked Ichigo. "Why do you always take such an interest in me?"

Orihime glanced down at the ground shyly, as she folded her hands in her lap. "When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're sad, I feel that way too. I like the loud, high-spirited Ichigo-kun that I've known for so long, even when he's scowling, and that's why I don't ever want you to change. When I learn more things about you, it helps me to understand better, and to feel closer to you somehow. That's why I don't want you to get hurt. That's why I want to grow stronger, so that I can protect you." She looked over at Ichigo with a stricken expression on her face and started wringing her hands nervously. "That was too straightforward, wasn't it? I've offended you, haven't I? You probably won't want to speak to me again after hearing something like this..."

She trailed off when she saw the way Ichigo was staring at her, and her eyes widened when she saw that his face was open and frown-free for once.

"I wasn't really expecting an answer like *that*," he said quietly. "But... thanks, Inoue."

Orihime paused for a second, then crossed her arms over her chest, sticking her lower lip out before speaking gruffly. "You don't have to bother with any of that formality crap around me. Just be yourself. You can just call me by name like everyone else. I won't mind."

Ichigo stared in shock for a second, and then he actually began to laugh out loud. "Have I ever mentioned how spooky and accurate those impressions of yours are? You sound more like me than I do, and it's kind of scary."

Orihime giggled in delight. "You're not the only thing I impersonate, Ichigo-kun. I can mimic a whole *bunch* of stuff! Would you like to see my cheese impressions?"

"You do impressions... of cheese?"

"Yup! I'll pretend to be a cheese, and you have to guess which type it is. Okay, let's start!"

~~

It was dark when Ichigo walked Orihime back to her apartment, but Orihime was far too occupied with telling him all about the scary film she'd seen with Tatsuki the week before to notice the fact that they'd arrived at her street.

"I think aliens are really fascinating creatures, don't you, Ichigo-kun? I mean, there are all *kinds* of different breeds, just like dogs! That's probably a little offensive, though, so maybe I ought to say that they have different nations and races, just like us humans!"

"Inoue..."

"I mean you have the cutesy aliens like ET, and then you have those other little guys... you know, the ones with the big heads and huuuuge eyes? They're probably related to each other in some way, but I'm not sure *how*, exactly."

"Inoue..."

"And then you've got the really mean ones that always want to destroy the earth and kill everyone who lives there. Sometimes they don't destroy the planet, though, they just want to colonise it instead... and sometimes, they even breed with people to make human-alien hybrids!"

"Inoue..."

"It'd be the coolest thing *ever* if you could be half-human, half-alien. But have you noticed that the really big ones who like to go killing people don't actually have any eyes? I'm sure their sense of smell is probably a lot more developed than ours, but I think I'd miss being able to see if I were part alien. I'd probably bump into things more often, too."

"Um, Inoue? We're here already."

Orihime blinked. "Oh... so we are! How surprising!"

"Not surprising," Ichigo told her wryly. "We've been standing at the foot of your stairs for the past three minutes."

Orihime giggled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head. "I never even noticed. That's how much fun I was having! This whole *day* has been wonderful! Except for the part that happened earlier this morning, of course... but everything else was amazing!"

"You really enjoyed yourself?"

"Yup! Lots and lots! It's been a long time since I had this much fun, and it's all because of you, Ichigo-kun! I know you hate stuff like this, but..." Orihime gave a brief bow before straightening up again, "thank you very much for all that you've done for me. I really appreciate it."

"It's fine," Ichigo said, waving her away in embarrassment. "You had a nice time, so that's all that counts."

"And did *you* enjoy yourself, Ichigo-kun?" Orihime wanted to know.

"Yeah," Ichigo said, smiling slightly. "I had fun."

Orihime hesitated for a second, then leaned in on impulse, standing on her tiptoes so that she could kiss him on the cheek. She backed away quickly once she'd done so, but it was difficult to tell which one of them was blushing harder.

"Um... I have to go now," Orihime blurted out, turning around to make her way up the steps and banging her face against the banister in her rush. "Ow, ow, ow!!"

Ichigo reached out for her in concern. "Jeez, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine! It's really nothing to worry about!"

"But your nose is bleeding!"

"I'm okay! Honest!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, I'm sure! I'll see you at school on Monday, Ichigo-kun, and, um... I'll bring you a bean jam jelly cake as well!"

Orihime darted up the stairs before Ichigo could stop her, fumbling with the lock for a second before opening the door and practically diving inside, slamming it shut loudly behind her. Ichigo continued to stare for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and finally walking away.

"She really is the strangest girl..."


	4. Four

Title: The Weirdest Words  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Bleach  
Pairing: Ichigo/Orihime  
Rating: PG  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

When Ichigo turned up for school on Monday morning, he was met with a slightly frosty atmosphere as he walked down the hall towards his homeroom class. He was used to strange looks and whispers behind his back, but these ones seemed odder than usual. He also noticed that most of them seemed to be coming from girls, which confused him. He could understand why he'd piss off any of the male students, but it didn't seem to make much sense for the female ones to stare at him so disapprovingly as he strode past.

Ichigo had never really cared about what other people thought of him, but it was still slightly unsettling to have total strangers watching him with so much dislike, especially when he hadn't done anything to deserve it.

It was only when a familiar voice yelled out his name that Ichigo felt some sort of relief. Keigo was irritating at the best of times, but at least he'd be a welcome distraction from the unwanted glares.

When he turned around, however, he saw that Keigo was looking just as furious as a couple of the girls that he'd passed earlier, and Ichigo's confusion only grew when Keigo grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"Ichigo, you *beast*!" he cried dramatically. "I can't believe that you, of all people, would do such a horrible thing!"

"Um... would you mind explaining what this is all about?" Ichigo asked, raising an eyebrow. "And let go of me while you're at it, otherwise I'll punch you out the window."

"Oh, so that's how you are!" Keigo accused, tightening his grip. "You'll smack me around, just like you beat up poor Inoue-san!"

Ichigo was now officially clueless. "*What* did you just say?"

"Don't try to deny it!" Keigo warned him. "I've heard the rumours! They're all over school!"

"Rumours...?"

"That's right! About how you and Inoue-san ran away for the weekend and eloped, and about how you're a wife-beater!!"

"Huh?!"

"Enough with the innocent act! Just admit it, otherwise you'll end up digging yourself into an even deeper hole!"

"What the Hell are you talking about?"

"I told you, it's all over school! Poor, fragile Inoue-san turned up this morning *covered* in cuts and bruises, and I hear that they were all your fault!" Keigo leaned closer and poked Ichigo in the chest menacingly. "I never would have taken you for that type of guy, Ichigo. You've really disappointed me! I ought to report you for this!"

"How can you report me when I haven't even *done* anything?" Ichigo shoved Keigo away from him and smoothed down the front of his wrinkled shirt. "What's all this about a rumour, anyway?"

"Even though I've been admiring Inoue-san for a long time now, as one of your closest friends, I believe that it's my duty to offer support in whatever it is that you do," said Keigo in a wounded voice. "That's why I decided not to get jealous if you and Inoue-san ever got together. You don't deserve her, but she really likes you, and Inoue-san's happiness is way more important than yours."

"So what does that have to do with anything?"

"Don't pretend that this is just a trivial matter for you, Ichigo! Obviously, your feelings of friendship are shallow and fickle, otherwise you would have told me about all this sooner instead of running off to marry in secret!!"

"But I never ran anywhere. I'm not even married."

"Stop lying! I told you already that it's all over school! It's an official rumour!"

"*That's* what people are saying?"

"Damn right! But don't worry, Ichigo, I can help you through this. If only you'll go for counselling sessions, and for anger management classes, you'll learn how to treat Inoue-san a lot better than you have been doing so far! No one wants to bear the stigma of being a wife-beater, so you need to work really hard in order to change yourself and people's opinions of you!"

"A wife-beater...?"

"That's what I'm saying! Poor Inoue-san. You really beat her black and blue. She turns up to school with cuts all over her feet, a broken nose, a banged head, and a huge scar on her elbow!"

Comprehension finally dawned on Ichigo and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, that. Inoue did those things to herself. I had nothing to do with it."

Keigo brought his face close to Ichigo's and narrowed his eyes threateningly. "Don't be so cowardly by trying to pin the blame on Inoue-san. If you were a real man, you wouldn't run away from your problems! If you were a real man, you wouldn't take your frustrations out on a defenceless little girl!!"

Ichigo backed away in order to put some distance between them. "I'm telling the truth! She stepped on glass, she banged her head twice, and she fell down the stairs!"

"Oh, the classic excuse! 'She fell down the *stairs*!'" Keigo shook his head in disapproval. "Ichigo, you're a karate black belt. If you're angry about something, just go to the dojo instead of beating up your woman!"

"But I never beat her up! I don't hit girls, not even Tatsuki, and she's stronger than I am!"

"Yeah, well, somebody has to be. And speaking of Arisawa-san, I hear she's out looking for revenge. She and Inoue-san are best friends, you know, and she's really not happy."

"Oh, great. Now *Tatsuki* is mad?"

"She's going to pay you back for everything that you did to Inoue-san! You deserve all that and more! You're an evil, evil man!!"

Ichigo had finally had enough of Keigo's babbling, and he pushed past him in order to make his way to class. When he slid the door open, however, the chatter died down instantly, and everyone's eyes came to rest on him. Ichigo tried to ignore it as best he could, but it still made him twitch to hear the mutters of 'wife-beater', or 'what a cruel guy...' as he walked past.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder before he could even make it to his desk, and he was startled to see Tatsuki standing behind him.

"We need to talk," she said.

"Okay," Ichigo replied evenly. "Where's Inoue?"

"She's in the nurse's office, but don't even think about going to her yet. I want you to come with me first."

Tatsuki motioned for him to follow and Ichigo did so, frowning in concern until they finally found an empty classroom.

"What's all this about Inoue being with the nurse?" asked Ichigo after Tatsuki had closed the door behind them. "She's not in trouble or anything, is she?"

"No, it's not like that. I take it from all of Asano's screaming that you know about the rumours?"

"Yeah, I know, and they're all a load of crap. Are you trying to say that you *believe* them?"

"I just want to find out the truth, that's all." Tatsuki sighed. "Look, we've been friends since we were four years old. I *know* you're not the type to beat up girls, but if you *ever* harm Orihime..."

"I wouldn't do anything like that! I've never even yelled at Inoue before, so what makes you think that I'd actually hit her?!"

"I wasn't saying that. I'm just warning you not to go upsetting her."

"I haven't done that either! We went out this weekend and she said she had a really nice time! That's it!"

"I know. Orihime told me already that you were nice enough to treat her wounds, and to even buy her a new pair of shoes to make up for the ones that she ruined." Tatsuki leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. "Orihime is a klutz. She always has been and she always will be, and that's why I believed her when she said that she'd done all those injuries to herself."

Ichigo blinked. "If that's the case, then why are you so mad?"

"I'm not angry. I'm only looking out for my best friend. Orihime likes you. She likes you a *lot*. All she ever talks about is you, and to be honest, it kind of gets on my nerves. She'd never say a bad word about you, and she'd do anything to keep you from harm. That's why I'm asking you straight out. *Did* you do anything to hurt her last weekend?"

"I didn't hurt her. Honest to God."

Tatsuki actually smiled when she heard that, and her expression turned sly. "Did you really run away and get married?"

"*Hell* no! Are you done interrogating me now?"

"No, I still have other stuff to say. I know the rumours floating around are bull, but there's still something that I need to ask you."

Ichigo huffed irritably and shoved his hands into his pockets. "No, I didn't beat up Inoue, no we didn't elope, and no, I'm not the evil monster that everyone is making me out to be."

"I know," Tatsuki said dismissively. "I just want to know how you feel about Orihime, is all."

That stopped Ichigo in his tracks. "How I feel... about Inoue?"

Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "Ichigo, you've known her for years now. The two of you even went out on a date. Can't you call her by name for once?"

"But... I just... Why are you asking me all this, anyway?"

"Because I want to know. I said already that Orihime likes you. Loves you, even." Ichigo started sputtering and Tatsuki shot him a glare. "Don't look at me like that. She really does. She never shuts up about you, she's always worrying about you, and she thinks that you're the best thing since bean jam jelly."

"You're mad again," Ichigo said cautiously. "Why are you getting so pissed off?"

"Who said I was pissed off? I'm just making a statement, and I'm putting it as simply as I can. Orihime loves you... but how do *you* feel about *her*?"

"Well, I... she's a nice girl, and-"

"Is that all you have to say? She's a 'nice girl'?"

"So what the Hell am I supposed to tell you?"

"The truth! You either like Orihime or you don't. Which one is it? And for the record, you'd better like her, because if you break her heart, I'll break your neck."

"Fine, fine, I like her!"

"Okay. *Why* do you like Orihime? Do you find her attractive?"

Ichigo thought for a moment. "Sure, she's pretty."

"Do you think she's smart?"

"Well, she is kind of weird, but she also gets good grades. So yeah, she knows how to study."

"Do you acknowledge the fact that Orihime has both brains and beauty?"

"Uh-huh."

"So why didn't you kiss her last weekend?"

"T-that's none of your business! Stop prying!"

"I'm making it my business, and if you really like Orihime, you'll make a move instead of letting her do all the work. Kiss her. Hold her hand. Tell her that you think she's smart and pretty. It's what she *wants*, for God's sake."

"But..." Ichigo was looking thoroughly embarrassed by this time. "I wouldn't even *know* how to kiss her..."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Tatsuki told him. "Just think of it like martial arts. You have to learn what you're doing first, and once you've done that, all that's left is to practise. Orihime won't mind, trust me. At least she knows what she's doing."

"Inoue knows how to kiss?"

"Sure she does. I taught her, after all."

Ichigo's jaw dropped. "You...? And Inoue...?"

Tatsuki gave him a funny look. "What's weird about that? It's no different from me teaching her karate."

"I guess." Ichigo still looked disturbed, though. "Well... are we finished talking, then?"

"Yeah. Just treat her nice. That's all I want."

"Fine. Why *is* she in the nurse's office, anyway?"

"They said they wanted to run a pregnancy test." Tatsuki snickered when she saw the look on Ichigo's face. "I'm *kidding*. They're just checking over her bumps and bruises. Nothing more, I swear."

~~

Orihime was the only one who seemed to find the situation amusing, and she was still giggling about it when she offered to find a quiet spot so that she and Ichigo could eat lunch together.

"But it was all really funny! Everyone was so serious, and the nurse kept asking me all these personal questions. I haven't had a day this exciting for a long time!"

"Things like these are exciting for you?"

"Yup! It's kind of strange to have so many people paying attention to me, though, and they were all saying the weirdest things..." Orihime shook her head, then nodded determinedly. "But that doesn't matter. What *does* matter is this!" She pulled a cardboard box out of her bag with a flourish and handed it over to Ichigo. "Ta-da! As promised, your very own bean jam jelly cake!"

Ichigo pulled back the lid hesitantly. The contents looked edible enough, so he followed Orihime's encouragement and tried a slice. The first mouthful almost came straight back up again before he could even swallow, and it was with great effort that he managed to keep a straight face.

"How is it?" asked Orihime anxiously. "Is it tasty?"

Ichigo nodded wordlessly. He suddenly found himself being taken back to the time when Yuzu had made her first cup cakes in her Easy Bake oven and all the family had sat around eating her offerings with stony expressions, far too terrified of making her cry by showing any signs of honesty about how awful her first attempt had been.

"Sure, it's great," Ichigo said finally. It wasn't the best praise he'd ever uttered, but Orihime was practically glowing with happiness.

"I'm so pleased!" she told him. "I was worried that you might not like it, but I tried my hardest and poured all of my nurturing powers into the batter so that it could rise and take form as the most dedicated piece of confectionery in the whole of Japan!"

In spite of the bad taste that continued to linger in his mouth, Ichigo couldn't help regarding her affectionately. "You sure do your best, don't you?"

"Absolutely!" said Orihime, giving him an enthusiastic nod. "'Never give up!' That's my motto! Well, that and 'never eat yellow snow'. It's bad for you."

With that, she settled down to eat her own lunch, breaking open a straw and poking it into her carton of juice in order to take a sip. Ichigo watched her thoughtfully as he remembered Tatsuki's earlier words. If Orihime really did try her best for his sake, then it was really only fair to do something in return for her. He wasn't sure what to do for her exactly, but he supposed he could always make a start by following the advice he'd been given and call her by name.

"Say, Orihime..."

Unfortunately for Ichigo, said girl reacted by spraying him with juice, and he wrinkled his nose as she began flailing in horror.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried helplessly. "I didn't mean to do that! It was just such a surprise to hear you say my name, and... Well..."

She broke off and dug inside her pocket for a handkerchief. Ichigo flinched away automatically when she brought it to his face, but she was quick to reassure him.

"Don't worry, it's not dirty. I haven't wiped my nose on it yet. Now, hold still..."

Ichigo did as he was told, feeling like a little kid as Orihime dabbed carefully at his cheeks.

"There. All clean." Orihime folded the handkerchief up and slipped it back into her pocket. "I really am sorry, Ichigo-kun. I hope you're not upset."

"And I hope *you're* not going to do that every time I call you by name."

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't expecting it..."

Ichigo sighed at Orihime's dejected expression, resisting the instinctive urge to punch her on the arm as he would have done if he'd been trying to cheer up one of his male friends, and instead folding his hands in his lap. "Sheesh, don't make that face. It's not your fault."

"I know, but-"

"Forget it. It's no big deal. Unless you don't want me to call you by name?"

Orihime's head jerked up immediately. "No, no, I want you to! It would make me very happy if you did!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really! I'll try not to be so surprised next time you say it. I promise!"

"Well, sure, I guess..." Ichigo trailed off awkwardly and then remembered what he'd been about to ask her before the interruption. "Anyway, listen... do you want to go somewhere this weekend?"

Orihime blinked. "Like a vacation, you mean?"

"Not that. Just..." Ichigo frowned and wracked his brains in an effort to come up with a female-friendly idea. "I dunno, how about a movie or something? Or a theatre show, or," he shuddered slightly, but managed to get the words out anyway, "one of those ballet things? Tatsuki told me you like dance stuff."

Orihime furrowed her brow thoughtfully and then smiled. "I have an idea! I've seen posters advertising all over town lately, and there *is* something that I really want to see."

"So what's that?"

Orihime's whole face lit up. "Monster trucks!" she said excitedly. "I'd *love* to watch those!"

Ichigo stared at her for a second and then found himself laughing in spite of himself. "Only you," he said, shaking his head ruefully. "I can't believe I forgot that you're not like all the other girls."

It was Orihime's turn to be momentarily taken-aback, but she quickly got over her surprise and did what Ichigo himself had refrained from doing earlier by punching him none-too-gently on the arm. "You really are funny, Ichigo-kun! You say the weirdest things!"

Ichigo wondered if he respond by saying something about the pot calling the kettle black, but Orihime was beaming at him so widely that he couldn't even get the words out. "Whatever. We'll see the monster trucks, if that's what you want."

"It is!" said Orihime brightly. "It really, really is!"

Ichigo sighed resignedly. "Keep smiling like that and I'm going to end up being wound around your little finger if I'm not too careful."

 

End.


End file.
